Maxx-Marshall

So I saw The Hobbit tonight. I saw it in IMAX in 3D with giant glasses and an american can of Mountain Dew. I won't go into my thoughts on the movie, except that the pale orc looks like something my office mate at Blizzard Carlo Arellano would've drawn... this isn't an art journal, it's a getting it off my chest journal. Today, people have been getting REALLY close to me. I mean REALLY REALLY close. and it's worrying to me because i grew up in Detroit. I grew up in a place where people don't get too close because someone might pickpocket you, or rob you, or take a drunken swing at you. I don;t do well with strangers getting all touch-y feel-y with me... I went to a party once in Seattle where I was asked to join in an on the ground caress-fest. Just a bunch of people (most who knew eachother) rolling about on blankets and cushy pillows in a small room just touching... I passed. It's not because it made me uncomfortable, it's that I once crowd surfed and someone attempted to punish my... man...parts... I don't think the caress thing would be like that, but i think far down the line i would be walking with my daughters and see one of the caressed and just feel odd about the fact that i caressed and was caressed and my old school catholic guilt would kick in and i'd be forced to sit in the car for an hour thinking about life or something... (thank you childhood church memories for making me a complete wreck in social situations) But this is about another day... today...

    I left the house today in a good mood. I scooped up my daughters and headed out to a COSTA coffeehouse where we spent some time being wee lasses and their dad. I was approached by a woman I'd seen on the bus a bit who walked over to us and started telling me how lovely my 5 month old is. then pulling her coat back and touching her cheek... then pulling her hood back and caressing her hair... I know what you're thinking, "slap her" but no, I just let her be odd. She really is a smart woman when we've spoken and i like her ideas and our psuedo-friendship, but she ALSO is someone i ONLY see on the bus once in a blue moon, so it was odd and space bubble-y. She left and a gentleman sat at the table behind us and said, "I've seen you here before..." ...
...
..
.
huh?
"Yes, i've been here before... do...do you work here?"
"no"
"..."
"..."
"... ah... yeah, we like it here, it's relaxing... near the house... just a... a place to come to get out and not be in the cold..."
""near the house?" do you live around here?"
Here's where my detroit sets in, I don't like that question. so i issue non-answers, "well, you know...". He talks a bit, then it gets awkward and he focuses on his morning paper...
Later I decide to go with a friend to see The Hobbit. We plan on meeting at the theatre at 8:40. I left at 8:10 for a 40 minute trip. I get on an empty sunday night bus... just me and the bus driver... no one else... we stop and an older gentleman gets on... and sits by me... right next to me... Detroit sets in and i clench my thigh to make sure my wallet is where it is and sit quietly on the bus with him until my stop. He gets off at the same stop and i get weirded out and book it to the tram to the theatre... I'm reading the posted times for the trams as he slowly comes up the hill to the tram stop and coincidentally is catching the same tram... I walk down the platform because i don't want him sitting next to me on the tram... I look at the times again and feel someone tap my back 3 times. I turn and someone I've never met, says, "alright, buddy, alright.." and walks away...
...
..
huh?
So i check my wallet and keys and mobile again and pretend to lean against the sign all the while trying to rub the vagrant handprint off my back or if he left something on me... yeah, it's how my head works...
I get on the tram and 2 guys walk right up behind me. Behind me to the point where if i slightly turn my head either way i see them clearly. I don't want them to sit with me so i decide to be awkward... I decided right then to walk left, then right and whichever they do not do, i will continue on the way, even if i need to sit with the old man at the other end of the tram... (I know... it's... I don't know why i'm like this) I do it and at first they follow me, then i double back and it ACTUALLY throws them off, they stop and their conversation stops and they look bemused. I get a seat on a tram all my own and am happy. I get to the theatre late and rush in, (them getting off at the same stop) I rush into the theatre, ticket in hand and disappear into Hobbit land... Imagine this... it's a moderately full theatre, my friend is in the middle and I am sat next to two empty seats. I QUICKLY place my coat on one. The SAME two enter the theatre and walk past, talking. I sit and watch the film... halfway through, (probably farther than that) two guys come in and sit next to me... Not a packed theatre, they walk into a 2/3rds over film one moves a plate of nachos (not mine) and the other sitting RIGHT next to me... sits on my coat... I say, "pardon, you're sitting on my coat..." He apologizes and i yank my coat out from under him and he begins watching the movie... The film ends and my mind has gone from "these guys are with the original two" to "hey, those dudes who shot up the theatres, they came in late, right?" (trust me, someone somewhere broke me and i too want to know what happened that my head does this) I concentrate on the film as much as i can, but it becomes snippets. My head is smelling their dinner and Sherlock Holmes-ing where they ate at the food court, looking at attire and figuring out that they aren't very imaginative, etc.etc.etc. then the movie ends. I let them leave, put on my coat, check my wallet again and head out. I have to use the toilets... My buddy and I talk about the flm and the things we liked and loved and head up 3 stories to the toilets... (we were lost-ish) We get in the place is empty (it's 12:20 at night) AND SOME GUY WALKS UP AND STANDS NEXT TO ME TO URINATE!!! Empty bathroom... myself, my buddy and this guy... I think, "my buddy is driving me home, it all ends here, no more weird people getting close to me making me wonder what they are doing"... We leave the toilets, walk down the escalators three stories, walk to the revolving door, I say in my head, "NOPE, not even gonna get in with my buddy, I'm just getting my own revolving triangle piece... I let him go in and... AND... someone on a mobile phone walks into mine with me... don't know him... never actually saw him... He steps on my heel and apologizes, I say, "... not a problem..." making sure it sounds awkward and uncomfortable and we come out on the other side...
I get in the car and am now writing to you... Yeah, there are coincidences... there's fate, or god, or prophecy, whatever you beleive in, but this was just creepy... I have no issues with crowds, etc. it's when single incidents happen that throw me off... The two on the tram, yep, could've been theives, odds are they just decided randomly to see the same movie i decided to see and walked past me because i was in their path... The old man, maybe he wanted to talk... maybe he needed a friend... maybe he needed a 6'1 dude next to him to look like less of an old man if someone was hassling him... The mobile revolving door guy... odds are he thought I would go in with my friend and was planning on getting in after us... but i messed up his plan and he was in as awkward a place as i was... (though next time pony up boyo and help push the revolving door... lets get some Conan action going here, you and i, side by side pushing the long metal bar like barbarian slaves forced to make wheat for the princess of the people who destroyed our village... dunno, he was prolly just some random dude who made a mistake...
...
..
or...
or were they secret FBI agents watching me?... hmmmm...

Hola boys and girls. I wanted to talk about something close to my heart. PAIN... yeah, pain. I'm not in pain, I'm fine, I have no heart pain, I DO have dreams of a daughter with vibrant red stitchwork up her abdomen, but that's neither here nor there. The pain i talk of is the pain inflicted upon you by others. Pain that can cripple, tear and rend. Pain that wiggles it's way into your deepest and stakes claim to any part weak enough to succumb. I'm talking about WORD PAIN...

"YOU WILL GET HURT!!!" These words have adorned each and every desk i've had since college. I knew early on that being a creative and passionate person means that I can make some people very happy, and some people very angry. The happy people, I love them. My mom once said, "If you do what you like, and do it well, like-minded people will come to you.". I still feel she is right. I draw a sexy thick bottomed girl and the next day a group of dudes who like sexy thick bottom girls email me and tell me about their love for my images. It's nice. It's like having an endless amount of random kids to talk to about the things that make me smile. I like videogames, I like nachos, I like girls, I like people's faces, I like learning, etc. I draw many if not all of these things and it relaxes me. Honestly, it's bliss at times. I could never wish for a better life at times. 2 weekends ago, I signed an autograph for a guy here in England because he LOVED Diablo 1 and 2. I gave him some art and he and I left eachother (after the nerdiest conversation EVER) with giant smiles. Bliss... then I got home... I searched for my Portal 2 piece to see if it had finally reached 2000 notes on Tumblr. It's been steady at 1900 for the last 3 months, but finds new life once in a while. I came across a page that i love/hate. EscherGirls. My introduction to the page was a while back when someone submitted my portal piece under the thought that it was an official Valve sanctioned image for a comic coming soon... and the hate FLEW!!! Well, not hate so much but dislike... I sat and watched as people NUKED my anatomy, attacked my love of certain aspects of female anatomy, dude, one note simply read, "...wow…way to go with the free internet font." really? you attack my font choice? and if we're being that catty, pretty much anyone using a "free internet font" can get attacked... My font I'll defend. as well as any font artists out there making a name for themselves by releasing free fonts... that comment just seems...bleah... Back to the pain. So the image was pulled. The mod found out that I was just celebrating my friend and I beating the co-op with an homage image and took it down. I DO thank him/her because if they're going to critique everyone who's ever drawn a non-professional image then they are screwed. So it went away. The thread ceased, the attacks ended, the witty jibes (see, no quotation marks, some of them were actually witty) came to a halt.

The pain stayed. The pain of, "wait, if I bust my ass and do something i'm proud of all for myself even though it's not perfect, I can be attacked?" The pain of "Oh, thank goodness this is just fan art!!! I was getting worried!!!" stuck like a knife. The pain of  "There's NO WAY this is a real cover" niggles it's way in. This is the pain. This is why some of us shut down. This is why "YOU WILL GET HURT" is plastered above my desk. Some people don't care. Some people only care to write "witty" things and back out for the "fame/laughs" of it. Some people honestly want to hurt you... and... and that's good for them. GO MAN GO, take your shots. "NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NOT CHELL! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO CHELL GARGHAPGH" have at it!!! You sit back and comment thread after thread. Use your time being smug amongst your friends. Me, and US... we'll be learning. learning from our mistakes, learning that Chell is less taffy that tough, learning to expand. Grow. toughen up. "Haters gonna Hate". There is such a thing as honest critique. I personally do it with love. I make sure you know you got an "A for Effort" then guide artists and talented people towards the places I think they can expand. I don't recall ever telling some student in So-Cal, "Thank god this is fake. Or I'd have to smack someone." then walk away. (seriously, violent much?) The pain sticks, but we use the pain to get better. We use the pain to deaden the past pain. If I was sad that someone at Marvel in 92 called me a Macfarlane wannabe (and not in a flattering way), this new pain made all that go away. We use the pain to drive us on. We use the pain to right our course and do what we do so that years from now those same pain merchants respect us because of our hard work. because of their pain... Yeah, I worked on more "triple A" titles than most kids would ever get to in a lifetime. I mean working on Okami with Capcom ALONE was a literal dream come true. That said, I'm still me. insecure, broken, sad, pathetic, etc. etc. etc. The pain still hurts. It will never go away. the more fame you get the more deadly the pain. Trust me, World of Warcraft shipped to 10's. When the servers crashed, the world exploded, bugs appeared, we had Game of the years taken away, etc. the pain was epic. These are our babies. Can I call the Zerg my babies? yep. Can Marjorie be my baby? YEP. Is taffy Chell my baby, well, my version is, in fact, my baby. and when folks punch your baby in the face and tell you what a bad parent you are because of your flawed baby... it hurts.

But we're ok, right?
we're still creative, right?
The Eschergirls's image of Chell had 124 notes before it was stopped... (HEY, there's my 2 grand!!!) (CONGRATS ME!!!)
That means 124 people saw MAXX MARSHALL'S PORTAL 2 IMAGE!!! and guess what, out of that number only 30 posted things like, " Forget her boobs.  Look at the rest of her. Goddamnit." So did they ALL dislike the image? dunno... but I do get a lot of commissions, so i'll stay positive and say a few of them saw it, were cool with it and paid me later to draw Scarlet Witch a few days later.
The pain can cripple you. especially if you forget the love in and around the pain. Everything we draw is valid. I will shake the poop out of you if you tell me my 5 year old's art isn't a valid form of expression of her thoughts and emotions. Let's hang on to that. Let's let the internet haters hate, and remember our 200th loving view on DeviantArt. Let's recall the real reason we're here/you're here on these forums. You want to learn. Me too. A bunch of, "Wait, that's like, a joke, right? I mean…that's obviously some sort of satire. Right? Funny ha-ha joke that some fan on the internet did because have you ever seen chicks in vidya games, amirite? Fuck it, this is what I'm going to believe." (F-me, the kid was right) are not going to stop us from being creative, learning and loving the art and expressive works we do. YOU WILL GET HURT... it's what you do with the pain that defines you.

thanks for listening...

OH, and a quick aside, Eschergirls is cool. The original thought is great, and truth be told I'm in FABULOUS company being an image on their tumblr. J Scott Cambell, Adam Hughes, the list goes on. Dude, they had Kinu Nishimura my favorite female ex-Capcom artist on there. Yeah the font thing hurt just a bit but the site is pretty... ok... I wish them the best. I do plan on using their name in the next professional cover I get to do and MAN, AM I GOING TO GO NUTS WITH THE ANATOMY THEN!!! just to take a loving jab... I think that's it... yeah... I'll leave you with this, it's most likely the most perfect and concise review of my work to date, "The fuck am I looking at?!"

So here's the video...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnBMno…
Watch a bit of it first, so you can be in the right frame of mind...

Often when i'm watching a talent based reality show i'll think to myself, "Contestant", I'll say, "Contestant, I know you watched yourself in the mirror, I know you looked at your moves and worked out what looks best from what angle and put together a package to sell to Simon, The dragons, etc. My question is, Did you videotape yourself?" I don't really like being on tape. My voice has been low since i was 11 and it is always odd for me to hear my voice on tape/digital recording. I have a few recordings of myself when i was younger being silly and singing songs like little kids do but am hiding them and hopefully, even though they are a part of what makes me who/what I am today, I will just let them fade with time and go away forever.

These things said, I decided to film myself drawing. I can often be seen at coffeehouses sketching with friends, so I'm not shy around others drawing... I mean, hey, I have an entire series of pieces called BusStopSketches. So, I took the plunge. Partially to show others what it looks like when i sketch during meetings to establish thoughts on an IP, but also what i do to get publishers interested in ideas for covers, ads, one sheets, whatever. I'll sit back, relax and draw. I'll grab markers and paint, I'll grab pens and ink. The second reason I filmed this was just to see myself draw. First thought upon seeing the video? Weird hands... seriously, I have fingers like alien facehugger legs. How they splay out and hold things is slightly creepy. They hold the page from 3-4 spots and bend all creepily. I once sat by Erik Larsen at a con and watched in awe as he drew coming from the wrong direction with his hands (google it). My technique isn't as odd, but it's up there. Second thought, "spin the page much?" yeah, it's like on a swivel. I do it to get the most comfortable position to get a good line flowing. I also don't like having my hand rest on the top of my clipboard. Third, I noticed that i'm married, Yeah, that puppy's made of titanium... really, I have a titanium wedding ring... If a steam roller hits me, my ing will be fine... I, on the other hand, will be a fine paste WEARING a cool titanium ring. Fourth, That native american is working hard in my genes to make it look like i have no arm hair...I do, but i'm no robin williams.

That was mostly all, I am still fighting off liars that want to claim the music. sincere thanks for the support, I hope to draw more and more for you with my wee facehugger-ian fingers!!!

Character design is a HARD nut to crack.
Ask yourself this. Are Dermot Power's sketchier designs any less valid than Iain McCaig's tightly rendered designs? Are Yoshitaka Amano's beautiful flowing designs more valid than Akira Toriyama's bold colourful designs? Is  Shigeru Miyamoto's Mario any less valid than Keiji Inafune's Mega Man? Obviously the answer is "NO". These characters and artists are working in guidlines set both technically and visually to enhance experiences. As a character designer My job is to make sure that YOU are having the best time i can give you. My fallbacks were silhouettes and colours, but PLEASE understand that it does NOT end there. Silhouette was SUPER important during our creation of games like Herzog Zwei, Command and Conquer, or StarCraft. If my Overlord design looked anything like my Hydralisk design and your eye couldn't tell the difference in seconds, then the design was wrong and needed iteration. Silouettes were important during these days of early game development because we had sprites. When making characters for Streetfighter and fighting games it was important, but slightly less so as colour swapped characters became more prevalent. I have several colour blind friends who can't tell Reptile from Scorpion. Silhouette is now specifically for set genres and camera types. If you can tell our Silhouettes from Diablo 1 or 2 from the silllhouettes of Ultima Online even back in the day, then i will give you a dollar... well, maybe not. It goes to show that making a page of black squiggles doesn't always make for the best beginning point when designing characters. IF your brain is fried, then go man go, squiggle away. When Norman Rockwell was fried, he'd sit down, draw a lampost, then sketch around it. He'd make pirates, beautiful women etc. all around or interacting with the post. So, silhouettes are very 90s... and we often don't really care about them as much... cool. What's next? Colour? nope. Colour doesn't help unless you have more to go onie environment. Ready? Character design should NEVER be done in a bubble... characters have lives and motives and should feel like a close family friend. Characters should be talked over with design, writers, etc. to get the best out of the experience. I recently sat with a designer friend of mine. He's designing one of EA's next big games. He told me that his artists were not coming up with characters that he could use... I told him back in the day we called that Purity of Purpose. HE needs to design the game and it's fun elements and then THEY can paint a nice coat of visual awesome over it. I've worked with writers and designers in movies, games and comics and learned that it's a matter of trusting each of us to do their job to the fullest. Because of the amount of polys systems can push and the things we can do these days, let your characters have character. Do you think that we were bothered by silhouettes on Daxter? Not really, it was more about what Daxter was doing and feeling. Focus on the purpose of your character. Focus on the movement of your character. Focus on his/her feelings then you'll have characters with character. Anyone can all draw, after a bit we can all be professional artists, but more important than that, is making things that draw out emotions, tell stories, etc. One last thought. i was drawing characters for WoW one night and came into the office the following day with a troll. I showed the sketch to the Art Director and he smiled. He started telling me stories he'd created in his head in the first few seconds of seeing the sketch. Stories of how he'd gotten scars, or how he'd lost a spike, etc. These emotions and thoughts are what you are trying to get. The last few characters i've designed were done by walking through the city, and imagining them walking with me. seeing how they interact with things, seeing how they dealt with obstacles. You might come of as insane to some, but what's worse, having the neighborhood watch wondering why you're staring at a hill, or being they guy who designed the next big character...

...d clear dear clear dear clear (ever notice the c's kerning is closer than most letters on devian art?!? corkscrew clear dear dear clear dear clear clear dear course cheer... odd... ok...

Sometimes I get to sit back and be all artistic. Sometimes i let myself paint and sketch and relax to good music. I don't often do, but sometimes i just let myself be. There's lots to be done. Video games don't make themselves, Artists don't always manage themselves, publishers want results and I work hard to get them what they want. Sometimes though, I shut it all down. I put down my daughter, kiss the wife and roam up to my office. Once up here, I can play music, games, draw, etc. a few weeks ago, i had one of those days. I was working on a piece for a gallery showing in Seattle. I started working on Pooyan, then my wife looked over my shoulder and commented that she liked Burgertime better. I figure she deserves a piece for putting up with my nonsense, so i change gears. I lay on the floor, torso raised by 2 pillows, covered in a down blanket and sketched.  No music, no sounds, just sketching. a few hours later i scanned it and started colouring. a few hours later I sent it off to the printer. I relaxed and passed out. I'm looking at a copy of the print that went up at the show. (Yes, it sold) I'm looking and just feeling content that i had another piece at a show and it was well received. I like to think that i lead a relaxed life, but when you really get down to brass tacks, I don't really. I'm watching American Horror story and The Wire at the same time, with a wee window showing Tekkon Kinkreet and sketching a card for a set coming out at the end of the year. Tomorrow I'll head to work and manage times and arts and all that jazz while listening to Die Antwoord or Hifana and watching the Studio 4o part of Batman Gotham Knight.

But tonight, I'm just going to sit, have a drink, look at my print, listen to Blind Melon and be calm until bed time.
Whether it be reading a great hellboy story, or watching the first Spiderman Movie, i suggest you take some time to wallow in how amazing you are...